Acknowledge Yourself

Maybe the person you have been waiting to hear it from is you.

I have been thinking about self-acknowledgement lately, and I honestly think we underestimate how important it is. We spend so much time hoping other people will acknowledge us that we rarely consider how often we acknowledge ourselves. We want someone to tell us they are proud of us, notice how hard we are trying, recognize what we accomplished, tell us we look beautiful or handsome, appreciate what we contribute, or simply say, “I see you.” Meanwhile, the one person who witnessed every damn thing we have survived is standing right there in the mirror waiting for acknowledgement too.

My thoughts about this became even more interesting when I started looking at the experiments involving words, intention, and water. You have probably seen the images claiming that loving or encouraging words create beautiful water crystals while hateful language creates distorted ones. Those experiments are fascinating, but I need to make an important distinction because I am not interested in turning something I find interesting into scientific fact simply because it supports my thinking. The claim that speaking certain words physically changes the molecular structure of water has not been scientifically established. Still, it gave me one hell of a question.

The human body is roughly 60 percent water, although the exact percentage varies from person to person. So naturally, my brain went wandering. If words can affect us psychologically, emotionally, and behaviorally, what else might be happening when we repeatedly speak to ourselves with love, encouragement, appreciation, and pride? I cannot tell you that your water molecules are rearranging themselves because you looked in the mirror and told yourself you were fabulous. Science has not established that. I can tell you that humans understand language, our brains respond to repetition and attention, and what we continually tell ourselves can influence what we notice, expect, reinforce, and eventually do. That is enough reason for me to pay attention to the conversation happening inside my own damn head.

I also believe many of us may have entered this world with an emotional disadvantage that started before we ever had language. Research has established that significant maternal stress and trauma during pregnancy can influence fetal development and the developing stress-response system, and researchers continue studying the role of epigenetics in how environmental experiences affect gene expression. My theory goes further than what science has currently established, and I want to be clear about that.

I believe some conditions and behaviors we currently separate into labels such as ADHD, anxiety, OCD, depression, and other mental and emotional challenges may sometimes represent different expressions of a nervous system that adapted to chronic survival mode. I also believe that process may sometimes begin during pregnancy when a developing baby is exposed to a mother's chronic stress environment. I have not proven that theory. It is part of the continuing work behind The Chain Creation Theory™, and I will continue following the evidence wherever it takes me.

But we do not have to wait for me, or anybody else, to finish researching the human nervous system before we start treating ourselves differently.

Some of us have spent decades doing the opposite of self-acknowledgement. We have criticized ourselves, questioned ourselves, compared ourselves, ignored our accomplishments, dismissed our progress, put everybody ahead of ourselves, and somehow developed the strange habit of remembering every embarrassing thing we have done since 1987 while forgetting half the incredible shit we managed to survive last Tuesday. Then we wonder why one little affirmation does not suddenly change how we feel about ourselves. Baby, your account is overdrawn.

That is how I want you to think about self-acknowledgement. Imagine you have an internal energy bank account. Some people may begin around zero. Others may have started life already carrying stress that was never theirs to create. Then life added experiences, criticism, rejection, trauma, disappointment, responsibilities, survival, and years of putting themselves somewhere near the bottom of their own priority list. At that point, we are not starting at ground zero. Some of us are starting in the damn minus. You cannot make one deposit and wonder why you are not rich by Thursday. You have to fill the account.

Tell yourself you are proud of yourself, and then tell yourself why. Tell yourself you are healthy while also making decisions that support your health. Tell yourself you are beautiful or handsome without immediately following it with a list of everything you want to change. Tell yourself you handled something well today. Acknowledge the boundary you finally established. Recognize that you reacted differently than you would have six months ago. Give yourself credit for finishing something, starting something, leaving something, learning something, resting when you needed it, or simply making it through a day that required more from you than anybody else knew. That is a deposit.

And before anybody starts yelling, “But what if my current situation does not match what I am saying?” I know. That is precisely why you are making deposits. You are not pretending the account is full. You are filling it.

If you currently feel unhealthy, I am not asking you to ignore your body and announce that you have perfect health. I am encouraging you to begin acknowledging every action that supports the health you want. If you do not feel beautiful, begin noticing something about yourself that you genuinely appreciate instead of forcing your brain to accept something it currently rejects. If you do not feel proud of yourself, find one receipt. There is one somewhere. Start there.

This is also why I have become so particular about affirmations. I do not believe repeatedly saying something your brain completely rejects is always the most useful approach. I want receipts. “I am becoming more capable because I handled that conversation differently today.” “I am learning to prioritize myself because I rested when my body asked me to.” “I am proud of myself because I did something today that used to scare me.” Now your brain has something to work with instead of staring back at you like, “Ma'am, we both know you made that shit up.” Give your brain evidence.

If you want to experience more health, happiness, peace, and love in your life, begin giving some of it to yourself instead of expecting the world to be your only supplier. That does not mean you no longer need people. Humans are social creatures. We need connection, affection, encouragement, support, and community. The difference is that other people should be contributing to your account, not operating the entire damn bank.

Self-acknowledgement also changes the way we recognize progress. When you never acknowledge yourself, accomplishments become strangely invisible. You finish something and immediately move to the next task. You survive something and tell yourself everybody survives things. You accomplish something difficult and explain why it was not really that impressive. You receive a compliment and argue with the person who gave it to you. Some of us have become incredibly efficient at rejecting our own deposits. Take the damn money.

When you do something you are proud of, sit with it for a minute. When you look good, say so. When you handle something differently, notice it. When you make yourself a priority, acknowledge that choice. When you choose peace instead of participating in somebody else's chaos, give yourself credit. When you care for your body, recognize it. When you make a decision that honors the person you are becoming, acknowledge the person who made that decision. You.

Do this every day and as many times throughout the day as you remember. Not because you are trying to convince yourself that your life is something it is not, but because you have probably spent enough years documenting everything supposedly wrong with you. Your brain already has that file cabinet stuffed with receipts. Start another one.

I do not know whether speaking lovingly to the water inside our bodies changes its physical structure. That is an interesting question, and until there is enough evidence, it remains a question. What I do know is that the human being carrying all that water can hear you. Maybe it is time you said something worth hearing.

Start making deposits until you reach zero. Then keep going until you get into the green. And once you finally experience what it feels like to consistently acknowledge, encourage, prioritize, appreciate, and care for yourself, you may discover that you are no longer standing around waiting for the world to tell you how fantastic you are.

You already told yourself this morning.

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